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Hi friend,
I am SPEED WRITING this email before I head off for my daughter's nursery "graduation". (they wear the full hat and gown and are doing a dance "we're all in this together from high school musical...I'm not crying you're crying")
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But I wanted to quickly share some words that changed my life and how I approached the decisions I made. Bit of a vulnerable one incoming....
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There was a point 13 years ago when I was really struggling. Actually not with my career - that was going swimmingly, I was working for Notonthehighstreet.com, loved my boss, the culture, the ethos, the work.
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But I was struggling with my self-worth and identity. I had started coming out as gay over the previous six months, and there were a few key people left to tell. And I knew it wouldn't go down well... especially being brought up as an evangelical christian. I had a girlfriend (who became my wife) - it was my first gay relationship and it quickly became a serious one.
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No U-Haul lesbian jokes, please (the stereotype is absolutely true).
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So I avoided it for months. I put on a mask, lied by omission and got so used to pretending that everything was fine that I developed this Jekyll and Hyde personality.
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But when you are lying about something as big as a relationship - something that takes up such a huge proportion of your life....
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You become a version of yourself you don't recognise.
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But I was unwilling to take the leap and full step into this new version of me. The risk felt too great.
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I was risking losing my relationship with my parents, close friends, the church community and my own anchor.
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But what I also didn't realise is that I was risking losing the person I loved, my own confidence and whatever self-worth I was clinging onto.
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Then one day a friend sent me this image.
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And it was like an unintentional slap across the face.
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I realised that I was responsible for how I felt. I was making decisions every day that were keeping me small, keeping me stuck and keeping me undervalued.
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Did the knowledge of impending rejection and heartache suck?
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Absolutely.
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But I also became very aware that I could either live in that feeling of fear every day and resent everyone around me for living the life I want to live...
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Or I could put on those big girl pants, trust in who I was and step into the unknown.
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I did the latter.
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And thus started the best and worst 5 years of my life. But it was a decision that ultimately led to a marriage, a family and a fierce level of pride in who I am.
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I also believe (because bravery compounds) that it enabled me to make brave decisions in other areas: changing my career aged 28, advocating for my health and having a 15" fibroid-sized tumour removed, overcoming my fear of driving, changing jobs when my daughter was 6m old, starting a business at 35...
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I am now going to be that same friend to you and share that same message.
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You are responsible for your own happiness in your career and your life.
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At some point, you have to decide to stop complaining and protesting that things aren't fair and take steps to change the status quo.
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And it starts with focusing on the things in your control:
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- Your thoughts
- Your actions
- Your decisions
- Your self-talk
- What you prioritise
- What you spend energy on
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If you know deep down that you want to change your career because you feel trapped, frustrated, stuck and are increasingly losing confidence...
But you need clarity and accountability to move forward
The reply to this email to have a no-strings-attached chat.
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Just in the last 4 weeks in UNTAPPED:
- AC has landed her first leadership role
- K has got an interview at a dream job after struggling with burnout and lack of confidence
- M landed a chairman role at a charity
- AB says she feels like a different person with the amount of clarity and is showing up and making decisions like the leader she is.
- L has signed up for a university course to create her authority around two business areas she is passionate about.
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You can try UNTAPPED for just ยฃ283 until the end of July.
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Have a brilliant weekend when you get there
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